9-11

This date has always had a significance for me, long before 2001. My parents were married on September 11, 1954. They were both finishing college, with my dad going on to grad school with the eventual completion of a doctorate degree in chemistry. They were dirt poor, and sacrificed a lot to survive in those early years of their marriage. I was born on May 14, 1956--their first born child.

Today, I was thinking about my mom all day. I was wondering what it must feel like on your first wedding anniversary without your spouse. I know she wanted to go sit at the cemetery today, but the weather was not cooperating at all. I called her on the way home from work, and she sounded fine. I know she will never tell me how sad she is. She knows how much I still struggle coping with his death, and she will never say anything that would make me even sadder.

It seems like this year, there was less media attention given to the tragedy of 2001. I remember in past years, the radio stations had moments of silence at the exact times when the two planes hit the world trade center. Today, I didn't hear any mention of it on the radio at all.

Time seems to contribute more to healing than anything else. I have been discovering this as I deal with the death of my dad, and I think as a country we are also beginning to get over the events of 9-11-01. Never to forget, but with the knowledge that we all must move onward and forward.

Conversation

I finally broached the subject of my inheritance with my mom tonight. I already knew how things were going to be split--not equitably in my opinion. But, I'm happy to say that we didn't really argue about it, and I understand her reasoning more as a result.

I went back and forth on bringing it up, and I finally started the conversation by saying, "now don't be mad", and she said, "I might be". From there, it really went okay, and I really really needed to say something to her about it again, even though she knows what I think. I find that I just let things eat at me, and it's not a healthy way to live.

I hate being a worrier and a fretter.

Eviction

It's eviction night on Big Brother. I would really like to see Jeff in the final 4, but I don't know if he can be saved at this point or not. I don't know why I care about this show so much.

I spoke with my mom on the phone last night, and did not bring up some things that are bothering me. Probably better off that way....

I'm soooooo tired. Working these long hours really takes it out of me. I'm too old for this.

One Third

There are things on my mind that I prefer to not write about, so I'm not going to.

It's Gonna Be Crowded

I talked with my mom tonight. She called me on my way home from work, and we talked the whole drive home, and then more once I got inside. I guess it's official. My nephew and his wife will be moving in with her once their lease is up in October. My mom said they were over at her house stripping the wallpaper off the upstairs bathroom and my sister's former bedroom.

On the one hand, I'm glad my mom will have someone living there with her, but on the other hand, I don't have much to do with my sibling or her offspring...

Flood

We are back from a visit to South Jersey to see my mom. What an adventure. It took almost 2-1/2 hours to get there due to flooding from heavy rains all over the area. It was smooth sailing on the way back, though.

We had a surprisingly good dinner at Ponzio's. Ed loved his prime rib, my pork roast was excellent, and we have leftovers.

All in all, a frustrating travel day, but I'm always happy to see my mom.

Hide in Plain Sight

I spoke with my mom at lunch today, and she is still hiding out from Kathy. Kathy’s dad died, and she should be in my mom’s area on Thursday for the funeral, but if you knew this person you would know why my mom is avoiding her. She is 58 years old, never married, never held down a decent job for long, very poor grooming, etc. etc. She recently took all the money she got from the sale of her house in New Jersey, and purchased a house in North Carolina that she thinks she is going to “flip”.

When we were growing up as kids, her family lived across the street. Since she was 5 years older than me, I never really had much contact with her, but she was a strange bird back then, too. If she starts telling any type of story, it goes on and on past boredom to pure agony.

I know my mom feels badly about being deceptive, but if Kathy gets a hold of her, she’ll literally want to camp out at my mom’s house for through the weekend at least. So, meanwhile, my mom is not taking her calls, she’s keeping the house closed up, and won’t surface until she’s sure Kathy is gone. Then she plans to call her and act like she was out of town with me.

There was a big write up, front page, in fact, in our local newspaper about the concert last night. I’m so glad we got to go and see most of it. I really don’t have any regrets about missing Willie Nelson, and even the article said that John Mellencamp was the highlight of the evening. Bob Dylan, eh…take him or leave him, but I will acknowledge that he’s a musical legend.

Ed has been out and about today, doing lots of the last minute vacation related things that need to be done. He’s stopped the paper and mail for the week, and purchased filters for my aquarium so we can give that a good cleaning before we go. I checked the 10-day weather report for Kennebunkport, ME this morning, and was disappointed to see a lot of overcast, rainy weather predicted. Hopefully, the forecast is all wrong, like it is half the time anyway. Predicting the weather is a crap shoot at best.

Where's the Pepper Mill?

Other than not getting fresh ground pepper offered for my salad, and service that was a little bit slow, we had the best meal at this place tonight: http://mirabellacafe.com/

The Bachelorette and Other Randomness

Woo hoo!! Jake is now revealing to Jillian that Wes has a girlfriend! How is that for an up to the minute news flash? I don't know why I keep watching this show....

I talked with my mother today, and the window installers installed all her windows in just one day. Given the number of windows in her house, that's pretting amazing.

I posted my Bob Dylan tickets on Craig's List today. If there are no bites there over the next couple days, then I'll post an auction on E-Bay. Worse comes to worst, I'll have Ed scalp them at the stadium.

Bad Dream

I have been having a series of dreams recently where I'm much younger in my dream, and I'm with my parents, sometimes my sisters, and they are all much younger, too. Last night, actually this morning, the dream I was having woke me up.

I was in a house, not a familiar house, and the only detail I noticed was that there was a big picture window in the room. I was there along with my mom and my dad. Outside, I could see rolling hills and there was heavy snow falling--blizzard conditions with the snow drifting and the wind howling. The three of us were sitting around just talking, and all of a sudden I felt the room start moving. It was almost like being on a boat riding over the snow covered hills. I started getting scared, and my dad said we'd be okay once it stopped, but it didn't stop. It started picking up speed, and as I watched the hills go by faster and faster out the window, I knew in my gut this was going to end badly.

I realized that the room had detached from the house itself and we were headed for the ocean. Somehow at the last minute, I was able to escape out a window, and my dad also ended up standing on the beach with me. My mother was nowhere to be found, and I was so worried because I knew she couldn't swim and she was so fearful of the water. My dad and I stood there for a while watching the house sink into the water, and then we headed up the beach to another house, where my dad handed me silverware to set a table with...WTF?

Suddenly, I heard a commotion coming from the beach, and a little boy was screaming that my mother stepped on his head getting out of the floating room. I ran down to the beach, and there was my mother, standing soaking wet, smiling.

Weird dream.

Facebook Frenzy

Well, I suppose I survived yesterday. Father’s Day is over, and now I can move on until his birthday, Christmas… *Sigh*

It was such a relief to see the sun yesterday, and to see Ed finally able to mow the lawn (jungle!). Of course, this was after I performed a “turd patrol” to pick up Amber’s poops. Not my favorite task, but it genuinely makes Ed gag, so I decided to step up to the plate, or poop? and take care of it. Everything in the yard and garden seems to be growing somewhat poorly, but that is to be expected with the number of rainy days and lack of sun we’ve had over the past few weeks.

My mother has joined Facebook, and she added me as a friend. I had to reset my password, because I really don’t use it at all, to the point that I couldn’t log in. I’ll have to find out why she wanted to join when I talk with her. My nephew also added me. Then, that seemed to open the flood gates. In short order, I had requests from a cousin and both of her kids. All this for a program that is really not my thing, but I suppose it doesn’t hurt to accept my family as friends.

I didn’t even realize I had a request from Ed from some time ago, so I answered that one too. It’s probably considered poor form and bad Facebooketiquette to refuse to add your significant other as a friend.

Rolling In It

My mom gave me a check for $6000.00 last Sunday. It was the second installment on my birthday money. She usually gives me $10,000.00 twice a year---birthday and Christmas. Her theory is that it's better to filter it down while she's alive, rather than be stuck with inheritance taxes after she's gone. Trust me, I am not complaining.

Ed works for a new car dealership, and things on that front have been very slow, so this money is very welcome. I think I'm going to pay off my car. I have $2900 or so to go, and I think it would be nice to know that I own the car outright.

Decisions, decisions.

In other news, I have a crockpot of pork barbecue going for dinner, and I'm looking forward to "So You Think You Can Dance" this evening. Simple pleasures!

Computer Guru

We just got home from a trip to see my mom. She lives about an hour and quarter south of our home firmly ensconced in New Jersey suburbia. The last time we were down to see her, I tried to update her computer with the windows service packs, and thoroughly mucked things up. Her machine was trashed anyway, so this time I brought recovery discs and managed to get her up and running. Go me!